All too often, things like energy healing (Reiki, Sound Healing, Emotional Freedom Technique – aka Tapping, etc.) get brushed off as too “woo woo,” so it isn’t surprising that someone purporting to be able to communicate with your horse from several hundred miles away, over the phone, is often met with skepticism, at best, and insults or attempted public shaming, at worst.
A discussion I saw recently in a Facebook group gave me pause. The original post was written by a woman with a new horse who seemed anxious and didn’t like his face being touched. She engaged an animal communicator who gave her some insight, and things turned around almost immediately. Generally, the 500+ comments were positive, but one, in particular, made me shake my head. The person basically replied that anyone who knew anything about horses would know the stuff the communicator shared, indicating that the original poster was a dunce. I was surprised at the strength of my reaction – I wanted to reach through the Meta World and pop her one. Smug much?? Jeez!
I understand that some people don’t believe (with or without the Pixie dust) the gifts animal communicators offer to horse owners – but having experienced it firsthand, I can assure you I DO believe. When I first got my mare, I had some concerns about whether we were a good fit or not. Despite having been a professional trainer and instructor for decades, selling horses was never my thing – once I have someone in my life, I like it to STAY in my life – (as evidenced by the fact that I’ve been married for nearly 43 years. 🙂 So, I was keeping some emotional distance while trying to sort out a few issues we seemed to have. Trainer extraordinaire (and all-around amazing person) Kim Walnes had mentioned an animal communicator to me several years earlier, so I contacted her and got ahold of the woman she recommended. To say that she was spot on wouldn’t even begin to cover it.
All I had told the woman was that I had a new horse, her name and that I didn’t know much about her history. The first thing Theresa said was that Bella wanted to know why I didn’t love her… (cue the jaw-drop and the tears…). She went on to relate several situations I knew to be true (but hadn’t mentioned) and how they affected my mare. At the end of the 45 minutes,
Laddie, Bella, and Ammo
Theresa said that there were two male energies who were making themselves known and wanted to be heard. Bella shared a field with two geldings, my warmblood Laddie and their pasture-buddy Ammo. Theresa said both of the boys assured her that I was the person Bella needed and that she was absolutely the right horse for me. (This is the part of the story where the goosebumps kick in.) Laddie and Ammo had been loafing by the barn in the back of the field. At that point, they both walked the several hundred feet to Bella and took positions on either side of her, and all three of them looked at me. No ear twitched back, no power moves; they just stood and looked at me. This is a big part of why I believe. (I’ll save the story about summoning the Grizzly bear at the Zoo for another day…)
There really are more things on heaven and earth than dreamt of in our lives (sorry, Mr. Shakespeare…). I find that people often scoff at things they don’t understand, and I’d like to humbly suggest that perhaps opening our minds in order to understand a bit more might be a good path to take in life.
One of the modalities I use in my coaching (and in my life on a daily basis) is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), also known as Tapping. I admit that it does seem slightly outside the realm of believability that tapping on various acupuncture points can relieve a bevy of symptoms, emotional and physical. And yet, my dear skeptical friends, there are literally hundreds of research studies showing the efficacy of Tapping in treating everything from PTSD to severe headaches to colds.
Like animal communication, I totally believe in Tapping because it has worked for my clients and me! If you’re curious (remember, we’re opening our minds a bit, right?), click on the link below to get my free introductory guide to Tapping for Horsewomen. And if you want to learn more about Tapping and other helpful tips, strategies, and stories, make sure to catch my podcast, Find Yourself, on a Horse. It goes live on August 1, and when you sign up to receive the Tapping guide, I’ll also send you any pre-launch news regarding the podcast (don’t worry, I won’t stuff your inbox or spam you).
The Horsey Life Coach – Helping women transform their relationships with their horses and, ultimately, themselves – one breath at a time.
Click HERE for the Tapping Guide, and I hope you join me for the podcast!
Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and now Cyber Monday have come and gone. We’re officially on a fast track to Christmas and then we dive headfirst into 2023. The New Year is a traditional time to set goals (and horse owners should definitely have goals!), but there are several reasons why you shouldn’t wait until January 1st to make your resolutions. Read on for my top 7.
Reason #1 – Behavior Issues Shouldn’t Wait
If your horse is having some behavioral issues, one of the worst things you can do is rationalize that you’ll deal with it in the spring, or after the snow goes away, or after you get through the Holidays, or after anything else. The longer your horse cultivates undesirable or unsafe habits, the harder it will be to point him in a better direction with his thoughts and energy.
If you’re coming into a season where you ride less due to the weather and shorter daylight hours, this can be a perfect time to do some groundwork, check out some books or videos by some of your favorite trainers, or just spend some quality time with your horse.
Establishing a trusting relationship with your horse is one of the most important things you can do as a horse owner. Everything rides (literally) on mutual trust and respect. Take a little more time and care over your grooming sessions. Go to the barn just to hang out with him once in a while instead of always going to ride or otherwise put him to work.
When you are working with him, make it your goal to establish good habits and behaviors. Help him see what you want by being clear with your praise and recognition of a job well done. Positive reinforcement will beat negative reinforcement every time.
It’s never worth waiting to establish good behaviors (for your horse or yourself!) – start right, and start now.
Reason # 2 – Physical Fitness Shouldn’t Wait
According to Stitista.com the number one New Year’s Resolution for Americans in 2022 was to improve their health. Ask any gym member and they’ll tell you that the first half of January it’s hard to find a parking spot and you’ll have to wait in line to use a treadmill. But, by February, things are pretty much back to normal – people have already crashed and burned on their resolutions and their health takes a backseat until the next New Year.
But physical health is even more important to a horse owner than it is for the general population. Whether you’re mucking stalls, lugging water buckets, toting bales of hay and bags of grain, or just trying to get the mud off your horse,horse care involves physically demanding activities.
If you’re older (like me), attention to your physical fitness is even more important. Many of us lose strength and flexibility as we get older, and it requires conscious effort to keep ourselves fit.
Standard Disclaimer: While physical fitness shouldn’t wait, you should wait for an OKfrom your healthcare provider before you embark on any new exercise programs. While you’re chatting with your doctor, ask about functional strength exercises. Explain what your day of horse-care chores entails, and ask for recommendations. If she’s not well-versed in effective exercises, ask for a referral to a physical therapist, or hire a personal trainer for a few sessions to get you pointed in the right direction.
The sooner you start taking care of physical fitness and health, the sooner you’ll get more enjoyment out of every moment you spend at the barn.
Reason #3 – Mental Fitness Shouldn’t Wait
Mental fitness is as important as physical fitness for horse people. Seeing as you’re partnering with a 1,00 prey animal with strong self-preservation instincts, self-control is vital. Do you fly off the handle easily? Do you respect your horse? Does your horse respect you?
How about confidence? Are you comfortable with the day-to-day handling of your horse? What about stressful situations?
These questions should be revisited regularly – not just on the arbitrary date of January 1.
Reason #4 You Can Create Thoughtful, Meaningful Goals without all of the New Year’s Hype
There’s a lot of hype around New Year’s resolutions. The media bombards us with ideas, suggestions, the most popular resolutions, the best way to stick to them –I don’t know about you, but I can get a little tired of hearing about them!
The problem with all of the hype is that it’s superficial. The last two weeks of December making resolution advice is everywhere, but on January 2nd, it’s gone faster than a champagne hangover. We’re whipped up into a frenzy and often influenced by suggestions on what resolutions are most important. Setting meaningful goals should take place when you’re really thinking about what’s important to you long-term. And if something’s important long-term, there’s no point in waiting until January 1st to get started!
Reason #5 You”ll have your habits established right about the time everyone else is falling off the bandwagon
Harking back to what I said earlier, most people have given up their commitment to achieving their goals by the end of January. This is largely due to the fact we discussed in Reason #4 –they’re fired up by all the hype, and when the hype dies down, so does their motivation.
By establishing new healthy habits and behaviors from a place of calm self-evaluation, you’re far more likely to choose goals that are meaningful, not to mention ones for which the motivation has come from yourself rather than the latest article in your favorite magazine.
Why do we so often delay making improvements in our lives? Creating new habits takes some long term thinking, and typically, American’s aren’t great with delayed gratification.
“Life’s short – eat dessert first” thinking leaves us full of things that taste good in the moment, but don’t stick with us for very long (except possibly around our waistlines!)
The choices we make today create the reality we live tomorrow.
Reason #7 – All we have is today
Not to end on a downer, but all we have is today. Right now. There are no guarantees for the future, so if you know you’re not living your best life, don’t delay making those important decisions. Do it today. Do it for your horse, and do it for yourself.
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If you’d like some help with which changes could be most beneficial, consider coaching. I have helped many horsewomen find direction and live their best (horsey) lives.
The idea of personal coaching isn’t new. There have been life coaches, business coaches, performance coaches, mindset coaches, and just about any other kind of coaches you can think of for the last few decades and coaching for horse owners is also a thing. Although coaching for horseback riding is the norm, coaching in becoming a good horsewoman and horse owner is not as common, but can more profoundly affect your understanding of your horse (as well as of yourself), in ways that riding in lessons doesn’t usually touch.
#1 – Self Awareness
If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you know that I’m a big proponent of self-awareness. This is the key factor in making any positive change in your life, whether as a horse owner, a mother, an employee, or a successful marathon runner.
What self-awareness will do for you as a horsewoman:
Allow you to spot where you have stress triggers
Help you discover and defuse the negative voice that plays constantly in your head. Important note: I said to discover and defuse, not delete. Our negative voices have been with us since time began. While we’re not likely to ever make them go away, we can learn how to minimize their negative impact on our lives.
Help you be fully present with your horse so you enjoy your shared time to the maximum.
Open new ways of seeing and thinking about things you’ve taken at face value before, like self-limitations. If you could change the limiting beliefs you have about your riding and being a horse owner, what could your Best (Horsey) Life look like?
Imagine you had new insight into how past experiences are shaping your current reality with your horse. Upping your level of awareness will help you to be more present with him, and to forge a deeper bond. You’ll become more aware of when your horse becomes tense, relaxes, or really likes the spot you’re scratching (although, if he’s like my horses, that one’s kind of hard to miss!)
By becoming more aware of how he sees the world, you can begin to adapt your “language” with him to help the two of you reach a new level of understanding based on mutual respect and trust. Your silent communication will become deeper, and the relationship more rewarding for both of you.
#3 Learning to Envision Possibilities
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
We, humans, live in a world of negative bias. According to PositivePsychology.com, “Negativity bias refers to our proclivity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information. (Vaish, Grossmann, & Woodward, 2008, p. 383).” Basically – we believe that if anything’s ever gone wrong in our past or has the slightest possibility of going wrong – it will.
Think about it for a moment. When was the last time you worried about something? Or the last time you replayed something unkind someone said to you over and over in your head? How about the last time you said to yourself, “Just my luck – of course this all went wrong – that’s what always happens to me!” Sound familiar?
Let’s flip that on its head for a moment. When did you last hop out of bed thinking – “What a great morning – I love the possibilities my day presents to me!”, or “I can’t believe how everything always works out in my favor?” Chances are, multiple examples in the first group of statements pop right up, while it may take a bit longer to think of even one or two times you’ve believed anything in the more positive group.
I’ll close this section with another quote: “Dreams are not reality; dreams have the power to create the reality we are dreaming about; all we need is the courage to believe in the power of dreams.”
― Amar Ochani
#4 – Learning New Skills
I hope that the dream of forging a deeper bond with your horse sounds great to you. But, I can also hear you saying, “Sure – sounds great – but just how do I develop self-awareness, or tune in to my horse more, or even learn to believe that some of my dreams are possible?”
One word – skills. You see, none of these come naturally to us, at least not as adults. When we were kids, many of us had absolutely no problem believing that we could ride every day, own a horse, or ride in the Olympics, and yet, as an adult, the ability to believe in our dreams seems to present more of a challenge. Not only is this another facet of negativity bias, it’s also a sad fact that our society doesn’t encourage dreamers. “Grow up.”, “You can’t just be a riding instructor, get a real job.” We’re encouraged to join the masses who have learned to put aside their dreams in favor of “reality”… how sad… (and who gets to decide the definition of reality for you? Hint,… the person you see in the mirror every morning!)
Now, just wishing things were different won’t change the beliefs that have shaped your entire life. It takes work, beginning with self-awareness, and learning how to over-rule your negativity bias more and more often, and learning how to “grow down”, and recapture the joy of believing your dreams like you did when you were a kid.
#5 Celebrating Yourself and Your Horse
When’s the last time you gave yourself a metaphorical high-five? If you’re like most people who grew up being told that you were “too big for your breeches”, you might not even be able to remember it.
But here’s the deal. Becoming a great horse owner is challenging. Heck, becoming a good anything is challenging – and with horses, you have a whole separate being to bond with – one who doesn’t share our language, who has a highly developed sense of self-preservation (typically using flight rather than fight), and – oh yeah – weighs a half ton or more! Simply being able to put a halter on your horse and lead him out of the field is an accomplishment – so stop looking at Olympians and beating yourself up over all the ways you don’t measure up.
The only things you should be comparing with your horsemanship skills of today, are your horsemanship skills of yesterday. If you’re working to improve, than you’re succeeding – and that, my friend, deserves a high-five.
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
While Jung certainly had a point, for many horsewomen, the most terrifying thing to accept about ourselves is our relationship with that 1,000 lb essential part of our lives, our horse.
While confidence can be elusive, especially if we’ve had a challenging or frightening event, it is a skill. It can be developed like a muscle – with light weight and a few reps first, gradually moving on to heavier weights and more repetitions.
Here are a few tips for developing confidence in yourself, and your horse.
Don’t wait until you’re confident to show up, show up until you’re confident.
Confidence comes from action. While “fake it till you make it” is kind of trite, it’s also kind of true. I’m not advocating galloping off into the sunset across a huge field on a horse you haven’t actually ridden outside a ring, but I am suggesting that maybe it’s time to strengthen that confidence muscle just a bit. Perhaps ask a friend to hack with you from the ring to the field and back.
Even having someone walk with you on foot can help lessen your nerves and make the experience more enjoyable for you and your horse. Bonus –you’ll have a few minutes to chat with a friend while you’re at it!
“Self-confidence is contagious.”―Stephen Richards
We know horses are herd animals, and if one spooks, they all want to spook. Humans are the same – we can easily get into that crowd mentality that has caused young women to faint at the sight of their favorite rock star ever since there have been rock stars – actually – way before that… I love Frank Sinatra’s music, but I don’t really think of him as a rock star…
The good thing is that we can use crowd mentality to our benefit. If you have a friend who is a confident rider, try hanging around her more. Watch how she does things. Talk to her about why she’s confident. Borrow one or two of her strategies and try them on for size.
Caveat – If your friend suggests galloping off into the sunset across a huge field on a horse you haven’t actually ridden outside a ring – ask her to back it up a step (or six). You’re trying to develop confidence, not shatter it (and possibly some bones) by doing something so far out of your comfort zone that it’s in a different zip code.
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent Van Gogh
Humans can be the most contrary of creatures. We often want something madly (like being a confident rider), only to have that boringly repetitive, and often nasty, voice in our head insist that we’ll never be able to pull it off, we’re stupid to even consider it, and perhaps we should take up knitting instead of riding while we’re at it.
Remember, confidence is a skill – you can develop it the same way you can develop the skill to paint, cook, dance, or go rock climbing. The first step is to summon it to you when that voice within you says ‘you cannot be a confident rider’. Go out and do the thing – tackle an exercise that’s a half-millimeter outside of your comfort zone. And when you succeed, come up with something pithy and mature to say to that nasty voice (like nah nah nah nah nah – I did it – you lose!!), and listen to the blissful silence that follows.
“Have confidence that if you have done a little thing well, you can do a bigger thing well too.”
Imagining confidence is a bit like summoning it, but there’s a great exercise you can do even when you’re nowhere near your horse that will help turn you into that confident rider you want to be. Visualization.
Yeah, I know – it sounds like new-agey bull-oney, yada yada yada. But, truth is, a lot of that new-agey stuff is actually backed by science, and visualization is one of those things.
Visualization and action are intimately connected, involving the motor cortex. Thinking about our body doing something—raising an arm or walking forward—activates the motor cortex directly.
In this article, Lohr focuses mainly on the power of visualization to affect movement, and its possible usefulness in helping stroke patients recover some of their motor function. He goes on to say,
Imagining allows us to remember and mentally rehearse our intended movements. In fact, visualizing movement changes how our brain networks are organized, creating more connections among different regions.
Consider the impact this could have on your ability to create a more confident approach to riding. If you can imagine the physical state of being a confident rider, you can, with practice, imagine that physical state into reality.
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”―J. M. Barrie
We’ve all seen the cartoons where Wile E Coyote is chasing the Road Runner and runs off the edge of a cliff. All is well… until he looks down…
Looking down is something we’re all prone to do in one form or another. I can’t think of anyone who worked hard to develop confidence only to see it slip a bit at some later date. I don’t think you’ll “cease forever to be able to do it”, but safeguarding your confidence in the early stages seems prudent. Who knows how far Wile E Coyote could have run if he had just stopped looking down?
Confidence in women is often seen as a bad thing (at least by insecure men and other women who may be a tad bit jealous), but it’s essential to our health and well-being, whether we have horses in our lives or not.
So get out there, pick one or two suggestions from this post and start working that confidence muscle!
Want to learn even more ways to develop confidence? Download a free copy of my helpful little guide, “The 10-Minute Toolkit – A Collection of Quick, Powerful, and Portable Exercises to Help Overcome Feelings of Frustration, Fear, and Failure in the Barn & Beyond”!
There is no shortage of gurus in the world. Want to learn yoga? I got “About 315,000,000 results (0.52 seconds)” when I searched “Learn Yoga Online” on Google. The same is true of horseback riding instructors, horse trainers, and equestrian coaches – over 1 million results for “best coach for horsewomen”. Although I coach horsewomen (and showed up near the top of the first page in the Google search), I’m not going to tell you I’m the best life coach or confidence coach for you, or for any horsewoman. I’m good, and more than happy to help you get the quality of life you’re looking for, but your best coach is right out in the field – it’s your horse.
What You Can Learn from Your Horse
You want to be a great horse owner. In order to do so, you need to develop a deep understanding of 2 things – your horse, and yourself. The best way to understand a horse is by learning from a horse. Your horse will teach you his language, his likes and dislikes, his fears, quirks, favorite scratching spots, and whether he prefers peppermints, carrots, or apples (or loves all 3!) Strangely enough, the best way to develop a deep understanding of yourself is to partner with your horse as your coach.
I think Buck Brannaman said it best when he said the horse is a mirror to your soul. Horses don’t worry about the same social norms that we humans do – things like hurting someone’s feelings, only showing positive emotion, or not showing any emotion at all. Horses stay alive by cutting right to the important stuff. Like where to find the best grass in the spring, a good roll in the mud always feels better just after a bath, and the fact that peppermints come in nice crinkly plastic wraps, (truth – if I want to attract the attention of either of my horses, I just crinkle a mint wrapper or yell “Peppermints!”. Works every time). OK – so that’s not the important stuff that keeps them alive, (although it does improve their quality of life) – the stuff that keeps them alive is who, what, and when to fear; and who, what, and when to trust.
“The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.” Buck Brannaman
Trust is huge for horses. Think about it – they are prey animals. Throughout their evolution, they’ve learned that a likely attack could come from a predator jumping on them from above – and yet – they let us climb on their backs. And humans are PREDATORS! That, my friends, is trust! When horses trust us, they literally trust us with their lives. They look to us for companionship, but also for a strong partnership and leadership.
So, what can we learn about ourselves from our horses? We can learn to trust ourselves. Horses follow instincts instilled in them over millennia. What we forget, is that humans have an inner knowing as well. Sadly, in most cases, it’s been civilized out of us. We’re not taught to listen to our own souls. We’re taught to trust everything and everyone except that quiet voice inside that says – “This – this is right. This is how it’s meant to be. This is who you are meant to be.”
Watch your horse. Spend time with him. Does he ever worry about how to be a horse? He doesn’t need to. He knows. We need to strip away all the trappings and reconnect with our essential selves. We need to listen to someone we can trust. Trust your horse. Trust that mirror to your soul. He knows who you are at that level. Let him show you. All you have to do is look into his eyes and believe what you see in the mirror.