Horsewomen are tough. We’re strong, we persevere, and we push through. But we can do a few things that can lessen the load on those days when it feels like the struggle is getting the best of us. Here are three ideas to get you started.

1. Stop what you’re doing.

I know – this counter-productive – if we stop what we’re doing, we’ll just end up having to do it later – and if it’s something like cleaning stalls, there will be even more to do!

When we’re stressed, or worrying about our horse’s health, (or our own!), our sympathetic nervous system is activated. This is the part of our physiology that initiates the “flight, fight, or freeze” response to perceived threats. Our muscles get tight, our breathing gets shallow, and our mind gets laser-focused on the problem.

While this may have worked well to help our ancient ancestors avoid being eaten by saber-tooth tigers, it’s not a helpful (or healthy) response to the “threats” we face in our daily activities. While our environment has evolved and eliminated many of the life-or-death stressors that faced prehistoric humans, our nervous system hasn’t caught up.

Modern-day “threats” not only include worrying, but also the stress of trying to work our way through our overlong to-do lists, pain, and exhaustion (both physical and mental). Unlike the aforementioned saber-tooth tiger, these aren’t immediate, massive threats that only last for a short period of time (hopefully with one evading the tiger). Todays stress goes on and on and on (sorry Journey – I had to do it). And the extended amount of time we spend in this stress responsecan have long-term implications for our health.

According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic stress can cause a range of physical and mental health problems including:

• Anxiety.
• Depression.
• Digestive problems.
• Headaches.
• Muscle tension and pain.
• Heart disease, heart attack, high blood pressure and stroke.
• Sleep problems.
• Weight gain.
• Problems with memory and focus.

It’s important to remember that chronic stress not only impacts our health, it can also impact our relationship with our horses. Being prey animals, horses are very sensitive to their environments. They’re wired, physically and mentally, to be on the lookout for threats, and if you’re exuding stress from every cell of your body, they’re likely to pick up on it. Not a recipe for a nice relaxing time – for either of you.

But stopping what we’re doing and connecting with our breath, even if it’s just for a minute, is often enough to break the stress cycle.

In an article on the American Heart Association website, Daniel Craighead, an assistant research professor in the department of integrative physiology at the University of Colorado Boulder shares that breathing can help break that stress cycle.

“If you take a slow, deep breath to calm down, that’s actually working physiologically by affecting the nervous system. It’s not just all mental.”

Mindful breathing exercises can be a great tool – they’re powerful and portable. No special equipment needed, and you can do them anywhere. You have to breathe anyway, you may as well make the most of it!

2. Ask yourself why you’re stressed

If step one is realizing you’re stressed and stopping to take a breath, step two is discovering why you’re stressed.

• Are you trying to do too many things? (Hint – if your to-to list is longer than a sheet of paper on a legal pad, you’re trying to do too many things.)
• Are you dealing with a physical issue like pain, hunger, dehydration, or just plain tiredness?
• Are you focusing on the wrong things?
• Are you doing things that we need help with or that we should outsource? Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. If you’ve just strained your back, maybe today isn’t the day to move 30 bales of hay or dig a ditch to drain water away fro the gate in preparation for the rainy season.

Once we get a handle on the root cause of the stress, the next step is to figure out how to alleviate it.

3. Think of one thing you can do to lessen the struggle

So you know you need to stop and take a breath to begin to break the struggle cycle and figure out the source of our struggle –  and now you need to come up with a few ways to help

Looking at your answer(s) in step 2 will help you come up with some ideas to help relieve some of your stress in the here and now and give you some direction on how to avoid or lessen it in the future.

1. If you’re trying to do too many things, one of the first steps is to figure out what the most important things are that you need to accomplish. If you’re a horse owner, I can pretty well guarantee that your to-do list contains more items than a small army could accomplish in a day (I know mine often does!).

1. If that’s the case – start out by listing the things that will cause harm if they’re not done. These are your non-negotiables:

1. *the horses need water (so do you),
2. *they need any health issues or injuries looked after (so do you)
3. *they need to take in some form of nutrition (so do you – hmm, notice a common thread here?)

If you only do these things today – you will have “done no harm”. That’s a great place to start, and, quite honestly, that sometimes where your to do list may need to end!

If you’re tired, or in pain, or unwell, you have to take care of yourself or you’ll be in no shape to take care of your horse! There is no shame in taking a nap, a hot bath, or (gasp) a day off!

I know it’s easier said than done, and I know we all have standards – the stalls have to picked twice a day, the buckets scrubbed, horses thoroughly groomed, aisle swept, tack cleaned… but you know what? I have never seen a horse come to harm if there was a poop in his stall or his tail wasn’t brushed for a day or two.

If it’s something that would be better outsourced, or at least not done alone, try to figure out a realistic way to get the help you need. Most horse owners can’t just hire a crew to come in and take care of everything for a day or two (and it would have to be a crew if we expected them to accomplish what we do in a day – let that sink in for a minute). But can you get your grain delivered? I know many feed stores will deliver for a nominal price, or even for free if it’s a local business or you’re a regular customer.

Can you get a local horse-crazy kid to help clean tack? Sadly liability issues may prevent you from offering them free rides in exchange for barn work – so check with your insurance company (and your lawyer) before you issue the invite. But maybe helping clean your tack in exchange for lessons on horse management could be wound into a 4H project, or even a school paper.

Creativity pays off here. It can be hard to come up with easy, obvious answers to alleviating your chronic stress – but some brainstorming (especially within a community of other horsewomen, like the 68,000 member Facebook group Aging Horsewomen Int’l, can help you come up with a handful of ways to help make things work.

Community can be vital for horsewomen – especially those of us who are “going it alone” – who care for our own horses at home.  A group of kindred spirits like AHI provides a safe space to ask questions, share challenges, sorrows, and celebrations – all of which can help us cope with the stressors that come with being a horsewoman.

Let me know in the comments (or over on AHI) what your go-to stressbusters are – and until then,

Love your horse, love your life, and love yourself.