I’m writing about why New Year’s Resolutions suck for horsewomen a few weeks after the New Year. Sorry, but 2020 beat me up like crazy. I really wanted to look at the bright shiny New Year that was scheduled to arrive at one second past midnight, December 31, 2020, with the giddy hope of a little girl about to ride a pony for the first time.
And then came 2021. Most of the first week of this year (which I’d hoped would be so different), I was tending my very sick 30-year-old horse who had spiked a fever of 105.7º. Packing his feet in ice, medicating him, praying for him (and myself), and worrying about him. It was beyond worrying. Then came the bright orange mucous coming out of one nostril. I have never seen mucous that color before, and I hope I never do again.
Thankfully, he has recovered, but his illness, (along with the events in Washington, D.C. lately) has not been conducive to keeping that giddy hope alive. My hope is, alas, a bit in tatters. So while I have abandoned resolutions for something more user friendly, (which you’ll read about shortly), I had pretty well abandoned looking forward in any way, shape, or form. Each day brought its own challenges and left me with little reserves to plan my editorial calendar or launch my first mini-course.
After trudging, head-down, for the first 2 weeks of the year, I decided to take a deep breath and look ahead, and I realized some pretty interesting things. Number one – it’s OK to feel like the whole world has taken a dump on your doorstep. Struggling? I imagine you are – 2020 was that kind of year (and 2021 is already offering us some
challenges growth opportunities.) Offer yourself some grace and on the days you need to veg out with a trashy novel or binge-watching whatever it is that people binge-watch (my guilty pleasure is the Weather Channel, so I have very little frame of reference for binge-watching, other than Highway Through Hell…don’t judge, OK?)
Once you have given yourself some space to feel what you feel, the last thing you should do is to go and set a bunch of resolutions. That would be like getting over a stomach bug and then binging on Lobster Thermidor – NOT a way to keep yourself feeling better.
Here are my issues with resolutions:
- How many resolutions have you made that came from a negative place in your life? I should lose weight, I should work on my horse’s ground manners, I should declutter my house. Anytime you come up with a “Resolution of Should”, you’re less likely to stick with it, because it comes from a place of self-recrimination, and often you feel you “should” do things because you’re comparing yourself to some ideal. Please don’t do that, it rarely ends well, but that’s a subject for another post.
- How motivated are you when you start with your resolution? Again, we know that this will be our year to finally (fill in the blank). On December 31st we are so psyched to get started, we’re already thinking how great it’s going to be when we can buy breeches or jeans two sizes smaller, or our horse stops rushing the gate when we bring him in from the field, or we can eat at the kitchen table without having to move a mountain of paperwork or unfolded laundry.
- How often do you review your resolution and chart your progress throughout the year? Do you write it on a piece of paper and stick it up on the bathroom mirror only to have it blur with the steam from your shower, or come unstuck and get tossed away? Do you check in weekly or even monthly to see how you’re progressing, and alter course when necessary?
- How often do you stick with a resolution? There we are, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with our brand new resolution. This will be our year – we just know it… And then comes January 2nd. (Or March 23rd, or May 17th), and the stars are just not lined up for you to work toward your goal today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next week… Damn, there goes another resolution down the drain. If you’re serious about making changes, here’s a process you
should domight want to try instead (see how insidious this whole “should” thing is)??
Step 1. Know Your Why
I wrote a post about this HERE, but I’ll give you a quick recap. Why do you ride, (or want to ride if you’re not already riding)? What’s your desired goal? I’ll give you a few minutes to really think about that, come back when you’re ready…
OK – got your reason(s)? Good. (It’s very helpful to “Begin with the End in Mind”).
Now we work backward from there to plan your path to your goals. Is your ultimate goal to compete in the Olympics? Would you like to trail ride through beautiful landscapes with friends, or, perhaps, drive a pony cart? Using your desired destination as a starting point, we’ll reverse engineer from there to develop the steps that will help you reach your goals.
Next week we’ll cover Step 2: Know where you’re starting
(Want a few quick exercises to help you manage calm? Check out my free offer – 60 Seconds to Calm.